Monthly Archives: September 2012

I was thinking…

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What would it be like to have one day where we just say what is on our minds? Regardless of what is expected or socially acceptable?  I mean if we can have “national speak like a pirate day” what the hell, why not “say whatever the hell you are thinking day“?? Last January I seriously considered for my New Year’s resolution posting for my Facebook status all my self defeating, negative, socially unacceptable behaviors, you know in response to all those idiots who post their work outs ( no offense, some of those people are people I love very much, but it still pisses me off). My initial post would be “In an effort to assist all my facebook friends who get an ego-boost out of letting the rest of us facebookies know that they ate a healthy breakfast of raw eggs and tree bark and then ran 12 miles all before 6am, I will from here on out (or until everyone un-friends me) post all of my self-defeating negative behaviors and dietary choices” There after it would be posts like, “after sleeping for two, 3 hour bouts last night I woke up barely in time to make the kids poptarts and throw them on the bus without brushing their hair or teeth” and “this morning I ate  a power breakfast of  mostly raw brownies and 4 cups of coffee“.  Then I would go out to the bus in my ugly fleece robe (okay, I do that anyway) and tell the bus driver that he is a cranky old idiot who has no right working with children.

Imagine the look on people’s face when they say “How is Matt feeling? Is he stable yet?” when I would say ” Actually, we are great, he is now up to 7500 blood sugar checks in just 2 years and his high for today was 416 and the low was 37. Oh and I pricked his finger 4 times last night while he was sleeping because twice there was not enough blood for the damn strip and I could barely see because I haven’t slept more that 3 hours at a time in 2 years“.  Or when the register girl at Walmart says “How are you? ” and I say, “Well, shitty considering I had to explain to my 4-year-old for the 75th time, that Matt’s Diabetes will never go away, and that until we find a cure, which the FDA will probably delay anyway, her big brother will have to wear a pump and get insulin and check his blood sugar for the rest of his life.”

Or, How about when you are sitting at a playground with a bunch of new mom’s and one is complaining about how Johnny has to get his flu shot tomorrow and how much she hates needles and how it makes her sick to see them? Come on admit it, wouldn’t it be fun to make your type 1 kid eat a snack just so you could pull out the syringe right there in front of her, hold it up, tap the air out and plunge it into your kids bicep??

Okay, okay…maybe I am being a bit harsh, but come on, admit that it would be fun to look “that” person right in the eye and tell them to “SHUT THE HELL UP!”

Maybe I will call Hallmark…we can make it a national holiday!

5 minutes with God

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That is all I need, just 5 stinking minutes. It may be hard to see some days, but I really do try to see the glass half full. I do. But, this is getting a bit ridiculous!  People say “God only gives you what you can handle”.   Well,  He must have me confused with someone else, because I AM AT MY END!!!!!

I will be honest, it’s not really that I can’t handle it, I can.  Clearly, I have to.  It is not an option to give up, or to lay down and say “I’m done”. The truth is that I DON”T WANT TO HANDLE IT!!!!!!!!! I would love to have a kicking, screaming tantrum at the feet of God. Now that would be fun.

Okay, I can hear your thoughts “Good God, what IS she talking about??” ( I know, sorry). So anyway, Here it is:

This weekend, my husband and I will be renewing our wedding vows. 12 years ago, as we stood in a church saying “for better or worse”, we could not have imagine how much our marriage would be tested so soon. We were 2 young, naive, kids eager to start our lives together. We did everything right, we paid off our debt, we bought a house, we each had a career and wanted desperately to have children ( okay I was desperate, and he was willing : ) ) Anyway, it wasn’t as easy as we thought it would be, but fast forward. We had twins. They tried to come at 28 weeks, but we stopped them.  Then 12 weeks of bed rest, (6 in the hospital), and they were here, and they were healthy. Only 7 days in the NICU. We thought we had dodged the bullet then, and I guess we did; but now I am thinking maybe it was a boomerang because it sure did come back to hit us hard!!

So, now we have 4 kids 8 and under, so obviously we have had our share of sicknesses and ED visits, but in 2010 the shit really hit the fan. But, let’s be completely honest here, all the stuff that happened was benign (pun intended) I know a couple of people who have children fighting cancer and well, there are no words for what they go through.

That being said, the last 2 years have SUCKED. First it was my 3-year-old with a Staph infection so bad her airway was almost compromised…4 days in the hospital, then surgery for her,  Diabetes for Matt, then seizures for Gavin and now Celiac.

I am SO sick of people telling me how strong I am! NEWS FLASH: I AM NOT!!!!! I wake up daily wishing God thought I was weak!  One time when Matt had his diagnosis some one said “If you took all the problems in the world and put them in a big pile, you would take yours back”. Uh, no…I would hide Diabetes at the bottom so no one else would get it either and I would take the friggen dead cat!!

So life throws us this crap, God or not…I can’t decide…but if He is there, I dare Him…just give me 5 minutes. I have a lot to say, and lots of questions. Who’s with me?? Maybe if we start a posse, He will listen!!!!

Mama MacGyver

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2 years ago, when Matt was diagnosed, I never would have thought I could do the things I do. I mean, back in the day, working as a paramedic, I could handle a fair amount of crises …but since then, life had been calm…my biggest crisis was getting my little one in her car seat in a reasonable period of time, or figuring out how to explain to a 2 year old girl how to “hover” in a port-a-potty so her clean little butt didn’t touch the nastiness that is a port-a-potty seat!  But last week I found myself in crisis again, and it all came back to me!  So, see if you can picture this: We leave it up to Matt whether or not he wants to “celebrate” or “commemorate” (or what ever other word you want to use) his diagnosis date. This year he wanted to go to a local brew pub (ya, that’s my boy!). So last Saturday, after getting all the kids haircuts, my husband suggested it was a good time to go. So off we went. Fast forward to the 6 of us sitting around the table, beer and sweet potato fries already ordered, when Matt says, “Mom, I think my site failed.” CRAP. So I look, and it is literally hanging out…catheter swinging in the breeze. It’s cool of course, because I have an extra site with me, we can change it the bathroom, then SHIT. I forgot to bring his insulin pen. Can’t put in a site without insulin, and he certainly can’t eat wings and fries and pink lemonade.  So, now, we have 2 choices:

         1. we go home and disappoint my son who deserves this day more than anyone I know, or

         2. I can pull a MacGyver and use a syringe to pull the insulin from his old site and inject it into him so he can eat.    

But he wears an Omnipod (or a tubeless pump) the insulin is encapsulated inside the pod. So (here is the MacGyver part)  I use a butter knife to pop open the pod, and have to get the needle is on an angle to get some insulin out, count the carbs, do the math and give my son an injection (yes at the table). we got some strange looks from our waitress, But boy did that beer taste good and Matt got his day with his family and his wings and sweet potato fries…Mom -1 Diabetes -0 !!! take that!!!