How did I end up here?

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It’s been a few weeks now, but I had a totally weird day. It started off with Matt waking up at 77.  People always ask me why I check at night. Here is why:  Matt went to bed at 180, a little above his target of 150, but still okay;  12:30 he was 143; I think…awesome, I am so freaking tired, no 2:30 am check…I am going to sleep.  6am, 77. Dex shows he neared 50 while I slept. Insert horrible, terrifying guilt. This is why I check religiously at 11am and 2am!!  So at 77, he is a crank-pot. Doesn’t want to eat, blah, blah, blah…I finally get him on the bus, insert crazy anxiety until the Nurse checks him at 8:30.  One and a half hours after he gets on the bus,  He’s 261. Figures.

Anyhow, It was the first day that I was able to volunteer in the boys’ classroom this year. Third grade math centers…the thought made me shutter. What if they actually needed my help? Would I actually know the answers?? For goodness sake, I had to google fact families in second grade math!!!  What makes me think I can handle thrid grade??  So , I get in there, knowing his last check is 261 and I am thinking…he looks low, but he was just 261….then a cheeky little 8-year-old says “what does congruent mean?”  Ummmm????? Shit.  How the hell do I know?? I haven’t slept in 8 years!!!!

So the hour goes by without me screwing up some kid’s future in math and I didn’t get ask NOT to come back, but I look at Matty…uh oh. ” I feel Low” he says. Yup. 54.  Okay, so I go to get a juice from the classroom emergency kit. EMPTY. really? So I go in the classroom fanny pack. No juice…no fruit snacks, only 4 tabs. Seriously??? Now I am stressed and PISSED.  SO I run to my car, closer than the Nurses office, and dig through the disgusting mess that is my minivan ( I am not really worried, because if i don’t have juice, I know for sure there are skittles under one of the car seats …) But alas, i find juice…deal with the low and then go to the office…what happened is a whole other blog post….but the point is..how did I get here??? From making my own baby food..mashing organic bananas and making meatballs with organic ground turkey, baby oatmeal and ground mixed veggies (yuck…smelled like cat food by the way!) to being terrified and angry that there is no juice boxes or candy within reach??? Standing in the grocery store aisles aggravated that all the juice boxes have only 8 grams of carbs instead of 16 which is what Matt really needs to recover from a low…( no way he will drink 2 juice boxes!!)  How did I get to standing in the kitchen with my son before bed with a blood sugar of 40, begging him to have sugar, and him saying, “but I already brushed my teeth!” and me saying, “Oh, honey, it’s okay eat candy”???? It is like some weird and alternate universe…

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3 responses »

  1. LOL! I totally get it but I think you would expect that. On a possibly helpful note – there are Juicy Juice juice boxes (4oz) that are 15 carbs a box. Hunter can suck one down in the middle of the night without really waking up. We have found keeping Airheads in the car and in the backpack helps too (some of this may be because I myself am not tempted to eat them). They work well in his pockets for sports time too. Don’t stress over Dex showing a near 50! Seriously… I can say that having had those same thoughts myself. I sleep better because of the CGM and try to keep in mind that every 50 may not actually be a 50 but the downward trend would be what I would focus on and if I saw it over a period of 3 days I would adjust basals. Some days you just have to be able to say – the wind was out of the east today – or – must be because of the clouds or whatever ridiculous thing that would really not have anything to do with D but I blame in on that! Otherwise I would drive (ok it’s really a short walk but..) myself totally insane. It took a while but I learned to let go a little (sometimes)!
    Call me if I can ever help, even if it’s just to vent!

    • Thanks Melissa, I will def check out the Juicy juice…As for the Dex, I know it isn’t terribly accurate…Somedays I still can’t believe it has only been 2 years…feels like a lifetime ago that my worries were so simple : ) I appreciate that you get it! I seriously could not do this without my fellow D moms!!!

      • I understand completely! I’m excited as last night was our first night with the Dex G4! Too early to say I am impressed but I am impressed that insertion was a breeze and he really didn’t feel it at all. After almost 4 years of fighting him many times about the mini med insertion! You would think MM would have made some changes by now. Dex has done so many in that time!

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